One of the most important lessons I've learned in networking and generating referrals is to be exceptional at referring others first.
I never ask for a referral until I've made at least a couple of referrals first. I want my referral sources to understand that I care about them deeply about them, and I want to help them succeed. Usually - probably 75% of time - I get a referral back within a very short time frame. Not only does this person whom I've referred feel obligated to return the favor, it becomes a mutual "I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine" level of reciprocal referrals. The relationship is two-sided.
I constantly hear Chairs, Consultants, Coaches, and Sales Professionals lament the fact that they are not getting enough referrals from their network. Have you taken a hard look at whether your expectations are unrealistic given the fact that so many of your networking relationships (referral sources) are one-sided? Perhaps, you only care whether you get a referral and you could care less whether your network contacts (referral sources) are successful?
When was the last time you started a conversation with a member of your network by asking "what can I do for you?"
When was the last time you went above and beyond the call of duty to help a member of your network secure a piece of business?
If you're not willing to go above and beyond the call of duty for your network, why should they feel obliged to do it for you?
Here's a reality check:
Take the last 25 conversations you had with members of your network. Make a spreadsheet in Excel. List what each one needs/wants from you (hopefully you've asked this question before). List when you gave each of these network members a referral and whether the referral turned into a real piece of business. On the same row, indicate when that person gave you a warm/hot referral.
Once you start tracking your referral giving/taking from your network, it should become apparent that your best referrals are coming from those individuals to whom you make referrals. Once you begin to make referrals proactively, initially in new relationships, and without being prompted, you'll soon start to receive an abundance of great referrals.
What's the other option to not making referrals, proactively, and initially without being prompted? The other option is waiting for a gift to fall into your lap - more a function of hope and luck.
Which one would you select?
Barry Deutsch
